15th Dec 2012
Saturday // 4am // 5 months ago
My life in a nutshell
So first of all, all the people that I have become best friends with over the past 5 years have either moved away, completely forgot about me, or just fucked me over in some sort of way. My best friend of almost 3 years, who I hung out with every single day, no matter what, has pretty much pushed me away for her boyfriend. It honestly kills me. She doesn’t call me to hangout anymore and the only time we ever really see each other is at work. It sucks to hear people ask me where she is, and when I say “I don’t know” they ask me what I mean, and then I tell them that we don’t really hangout anymore. They usually ask me if I’m joking or they thing I’m just fucking with them, and then I tell them I wish I was. Its really really sad. And the worst part is that I can’t even tell her this because I’ll feel like a bad friend. That’s why I’m just letting it all out on here.
And another thing that has been bothering me lately is this one boy. I have this guy, who has been in my life for a little over a year, and he just keeps fucking with my head. I don’t know if he’s just using me because he knows I’d do anything for him, or if he’s just scared to be in a relationship with me because he doesn’t want to hurt me again. I mean I do try to talk to the kid to see what he wants and what he’s thinking but we just end up fighting and nothing get across. Honestly if you seen us two together and you didn’t know us you would most likely think we were an old married couple. Hahaa. I’m serious though. But I just don’t know what to do about him. I try not to talk to him because I can’t keep doing this, but first of all, I can’t just delete his phone number because I know it by heart, and honestly I just don’t want him completely out of my life. When me and him are on good terms, it’s awesome, we’re the happiest people in the world, but when we’re fighting or just not talk, it gets really bad. I realized that I actually do love him and care about him. But I just don’t understand why he keeps doing what hes doing to me. Its not fair.
Well. I don’t know what else to say. I just wish my life wasn’t so fucked up, and I could actually live a life with no drama, or without being depressed constantly. I don’t even know what the fuck I’m talking about anymore. Fuck it. I’m out.